


Learning How To Walk Again

by fAkE_oRaNgE



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Friendship, Homophobia, I suck at writing summaries, Ice Skating, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:47:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24911059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fAkE_oRaNgE/pseuds/fAkE_oRaNgE
Summary: Mikasa has to learn how to get by after a traumatizing accident during figure skating.
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Jean Kirstein, Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir, Levi/Erwin Smith, Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein, Mikasa Ackerman & Eren Yeager, Mikasa Ackerman/Annie Leonhart, Mikasa Ackerman/Jean Kirstein
Comments: 3
Kudos: 23





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I've been rewatching 'Spinning Out' and this idea had been stuck in my head since then. I'm not entirely sure where this is going exactly, but I figure that out on the way.  
> If there are any mistakes, please let me now, English is not my first language.

You fell to learn. It was very similar to math in that way, you just had to work and work until you figured out the equation. So it didn’t take her long to realize she shouldn’t be scared of falling every once in a while. And she had fallen. Many times.  
So when she had fallen this time, she wondered why exactly this time, something had to happen. 

“You won’t be able to skate for at least two months, I’m sorry.” 

She had thought about the outcome that maybe she would have trouble bending her knee for a while that maybe she would still feel pain even after the recovery. What she hadn’t thought about, what nobody had seemed to think about, was that she would end up being scared.  
Scared to skate. Such a bizarre thought. A few months ago, she would have scoffed, maybe even laughed at the idea. To be scared to do something that had felt like walking for her seemed so absurd. After all, some of her first memories were simply her on the ice. It had been Eren’s idea in the first place to ice-skate. They had both been barely seven years old and it had only passed a few months since her parents had died. He had wanted to cheer her up. He had not only cheered her up, he had given her something so special, something that held meaning. She still had the first skates Eren’s parents had given her on her eighth birthday, worn out, with holes in it and the color almost completely faded, still hung on her bedroom wall. 

“So how’s skating goin’?”  
She swallowed the bite of lasagna without chewing, a habit she had gotten used to when Eren’s mother cooked something she didn’t like.  
“It’s fine.”  
“It’s fine in the way it’s gotten better or it’s fine in the way that I should stop asking you that?”  
She looked at him annoyed and he laughed. That way she could see the slightly crooked front teeth he always tried to hide when they were younger. She had asked him once why he didn’t let it straighten, if he was so embarrassed about it. But he had only shrugged and smiled at her. “It’s part of my charm, Mikasa,” he had said.  
To be honest, things weren’t exactly looking up. She hadn’t landed a single jump in those last weeks, even if she spend every day trying, as long as her knee wasn’t hurting too bad. It was almost embarrassing how terrified she was every time she went in position. She didn’t feel like herself anymore. When Eren glanced at her from over the sink, where he was drying the plates one by one, she thought about actually telling him. Talking to him had always helped her, but for some reason every time she was on the edge of telling him, her tongue felt dry and no sound escaped her. It was like her body didn’t allow her to. On the other hand, what exactly would she tell him? That not even half a year ago she was an Olympic candidate, who was now afraid to skate? That she felt like she was taken out of her own body and that every time she was on the ice, it felt like she was watching herself from the distance. Failing and failing, all over again, when she should actually be able to do all those things in her sleep, with eyes closed, no hesitance.  
She didn’t even know how to phrase it so he would understand. She didn’t think she ever could. 

As she watched Eren spin around a couple of times on the ice and laughing to himself quietly, she wondered if he had ever really grown up. He hadn’t changed one bit since they were kids. He brought out nostalgia in her, something she usually tried to avoid.  
Mikasa heard footsteps next to her and she listened to somebody put their gear on the bench next to her to sit down. She looked to the right and was surprised to see Armin lean down to tie his skates. She didn’t see him as often anymore as she used to. She guessed, she was afraid he would manage to look right through her. Like when he realized she wasn’t putting on her skates but taking them of. Because she only skated in the early morning, when no one was there yet and then in the late evening, when everybody was gone already. She walked over, sitting down on the bench next to him quietly. He had cut his hair shorter over the summer, his blonde bangs still hung into his face and his hair puffed up at the back of his head, making it seem so much rounder. Mikasa noticed, she liked the shorter hair, this way she was able to see more of his face. He zipped up his tight blue fleece jacket up to the top of his collar that almost pricked against his throat.  
“Hey,” his voice was slightly high pinched like it always was, when he was excited.  
“Hey.”  
“I haven’t seen you in a while.”  
She almost let out a sigh of relief, when she didn’t hear any judgement, he wasn’t angry at her for avoiding him the last couple of weeks. Probably, since he knew she wasn’t doing it, because she didn’t like him anymore. She could never not like Armin.  
“How are you doing?”  
Armin’ eyes tightened minimal, as if he knew her changing the topic meant something else was going on and not just she being too lazy to elaborate more of the topic. Because of course he did.  
“Sectionals are getting closer, so Annie’s been stressing a bit, but other than that I’ve been good.”  
She smiled, hoping not to appear bothered by the mention of the sectionals or Annie. She had been happy for both of those things to stay away from her thoughts for today, but now she wouldn’t be able to get rid of them again.  
He must have noticed that there wasn’t a lot more coming and cleared his throat silently, before standing up.  
“I’ll have to get going, but I’ll try to stop by this week okay?”  
She nodded and watched him walk to the ice, where Annie was already waiting, having small talk with Eren. Mikasa stood up to have a better look on what was happening and felt a lump form in her throat, when she saw how Annie and Armin started skating, nailing every jump flawlessly.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> might come back and rewrite this later

Mikasa sat in the diner for about ten minutes, still no sight of her friend, until she decided she wanted to leave again. She really shouldn’t, the last time she had seen Sasha had been months ago, way before the accident. She had called her a couple of times in between, but as it turned out Sasha’s university schedule collided with her own now imaginary skating one.  
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m late aren’t I?”  
She plopped down on the fake red leather booth in front of Mikasa, setting her purse beside her and smoothing out a few hair strands that escaped from her ponytail. Her nose and ears were red from the cold outside and big doe eyes looked first at the menu before regarding her friend.  
“It’s fine,” she said quietly, stirring her green tea and letting the small spoon click against the cup.  
“Are you letting your hair grow out?”  
Mikasa looked at her surprised, trying to remember the last time she had seen her hair or what length it was now.  
“I don’t know yet,” she admitted, remembering who exactly she was talking to. Sasha’s jacket was the same she had worn since high school, a faded blue color and way too big on her. Underneath, the red and yellow striped sweatshirt looked like one of the candies Eren ate sometimes. The eye-blinding color palette and messy hair was so familiar, Mikasa felt like she was taken back to high school for a split second.  
“Eren said your knee is getting better.”  
“Yeah, I can skate again…in a way.”  
“Wow that’s great,” and she sounded like she was genuinely happy “But you’re not gonna go to sectionals right away right?”  
“Probably not.”  
The waitress arrived, asking what they would like to order. Sasha ordered what felt like the entire menu, while Mikasa only cared for another tea.  
“You know, an old friend of mine is switching to your arena. He’s a…pair skater? I think. He’s looking for a new partner; maybe you could give it a try.”  
“I don’t do pair skating.”  
“Isn’t it kinda the same thing?”  
She shook her head, almost amused.  
“No, it’s really not.”  
Sasha shrugged, a cheeky grin on her face. 

Mikasa had always been very glad for the easily stitched janitor in the arena, but she had been especially thankful in those past weeks. The last skater left on a normal weekday at around eight pm, so she had the ice for herself afterwards. Most nights she would just skate around a bit, without trying any jumps, scared she would embarrass herself, even though there was no one around to see.  
She could see the lanterns outside were still on, illuminating the way for a couple going home from a date or a small group of stealing away teenagers. Mikasa had never done any of that. While Eren went out with to bars and parties with friends, who later turned into college colleagues, Mikasa was here, skating. She had spent so many nights in the arena, training, she swore there must have been places on the ice she had marked so deep they weren’t fixable anymore.  
This night she found herself getting into position for a jump one time too often, but never actually doing it. Her knee hadn’t acted up at all today, it would be the perfect timing to give it a shot again.  
Her stomach tightened the closer she got to it, the air around her head suddenly a lot thinner. She used to close eyes, the dog squeaker bound to her left foot making a satisfying sound when pressing against her other foot, while she was in the air. If Mikasa saw herself now, she wouldn’t recognize it as either her skating, nor a real jump.  
The blade made the ice in a sloping manner, making her almost lose her balance. She smoothed a few strains of hair out of her face, where the sweat functioned as glue and made them stuck to her skin. Before the accident, she could have done dozens of jumps for hours without ever breaking a serious sweat. Mikasa suddenly felt angry, a heavy, sticky feeling bubbling up in her chest.  
She stood still, in the middle of the ice, one hand resting on her hip and her head lowered. She was about to leave, when she saw a person standing on the side of the ice, leaning against the railing. The signature black hair and turtleneck she very quickly recognized to belong to someone she hadn’t seen in a long time.  
Mikasa felt a rush of panic overcome her, as she wondered how long he had been standing there already. Had he been watching her? While Levi was and probably would always be a figure skating champion, he was also surprisingly the only person she didn’t feel the urge to lie to, when it came to her injury. He had been there, when she had fallen and had been there when she woke up in the hospital. He knew exactly what had happened and what kind of impact it had had, so what use was there to lie?  
She slid towards him quickly, looking out for any changes in his appearance. His slick black hair was parted in the middle, hanging into his face and buzzed at the sides. His high cheekbones, long eyelashes and small mouth making him classically handsome. His eyes, just as swamp like and dark as hers stared back at her. Sometimes looking at Levi felt like looking at an older, slightly diverse mirror. Thankfully, he eventually opened his mouth and proved that they were indeed two very different people.  
“So I’m assuming the brat finally gave up on that shitty curfew.”  
Mikasa rolled her eyes.  
“Shouldn’t you be in Tokyo right now?”  
The last time she had seen her cousin had been right before he left for a special training in Japan, preparing for the next Olympics. Levi made an almost laughable attempt on pretending to look around.  
“It got boring.”  
A beat.  
“The brat said your trainer bailed, you’re looking for a new one?”  
“I don’t know yet…”  
“Erwin would do it.”  
Of course.


End file.
